It's a...

On Thursday, we headed out to our 18 week ultrasound... me, nervously, Matt... totally calm and collected. I think I am always a little nervous going into these ultrasounds because of the what-ifs. What if something is wrong? What if the heartbeat isn't there anymore? What if?! Matt's parents came over to hang out at house while Kate napped. After the chaos of trying to take her along to the 6 week ultrasound ("I want to lay on the table with mommy!!! Ahhhh!!!"), we weren't even going to try.

The first fumble came after I'd already removed my clothes from the waist down, and the u/s tech came in and said, "I think you're here too early. Your last u/s measurement puts you at 17 weeks 4 days- not 18 weeks." Ok. My doc never changed a due date, kept me due at July 27th, putting me at 18 weeks 2 days I think? She just told me to go between 18-20 weeks. So after some discussion, we decided to go ahead with it, and if she couldn't get what she needed then we'd just have to come back again. Fair enough.

So goo gets puts on my belly (whoever created the warmer for that stuff is genius) and the exploration begins! If you've ever had an ultrasound, you know how amazing it really is. It's this secret, sneak-peek into a world that we'd know nothing about if it weren't for technology. And to know that what you're looking at is your little baby... gets me emotional every time!

So first came all the heart stuff- everything looked good. Then she decided not to waste any time and went looking for the gender specific bits and pieces. As she passed over the little spread legs, I knew exactly what I was looking at! She said, "Yep! It's a BOY!!" and proceed to place a little arrow on the screen pointing at his manhood and type "Oh Boy!!!" onto the page. We're going to have a SON! I couldn't stop laughing for some reason! Of course I was a weeping mess, but just couldn't stop giggling. With Kate, I didn't really know what to expect. I had no intuition. This time, I felt like it would be a boy... but my intuition on these things is usually so bad I didn't take much stock in it. But YAY! We're so thrilled! After getting myself to stop giggling like an idiot, we saw all his arms, legs, feet, toes and more. Always amazing.


He's got his little arm laid over his face, so above his face you kind of see his arm and hand. Isn't he handsome? ;-)

It was so fun to tell the family- this will be grandbaby #6 for Matt's parents, but only the second grandson. Back in December when we told our families we were expecting, my grandpa said he was hoping for a boy, so we'd have one of each (keep in mind, with the first pregnancy he wanted a little girl and got his wish). So he was completely thrilled. My mom is over the moon and its just all so sweet.

I've felt him move a few times, but nothing consistent yet. I'm not in as big of a rush this time, knowing that I'll soon spend a few months begging him to stop kicking my bladder, elbowing my pelvis and kicking my ribs. :)

I have a feeling names are going to be tougher for us to agree on this time... but that's okay. We still have some time. Now to start looking at room decor and preparing Kate for the arrival of her baby brother!

We're so incredibly blessed. I say it all the time, but I mean it: My cup runneth over!

Sometimes a girl needs her mommy.

I'm 27 years old, and tonight, I knew the only thing that was going to calm me down and make me stop crying was calling my mommy. Even as an adult, sometimes I just need mom. I'm pregnant, emotional, exhausted and my patience was wearing incredibly thin with Kate tonight. After hours of whining, demanding things be done her way, and crying all the way home from Grandma's because she didn't get to close the front door the way she wanted to close it, bedtime was a trial. I can tell lately that she is trying to keep me in the room with her longer and longer each night- always needing to revisit certain pages of Goodnight Moon, sing ABC one more time, etc. Once in her crib in a fairly decent mood, I tucked her in, did our normal routine and as I began to leave the room, she began frantically crying that she wanted her book in a certain spot. Thinking she'd move it and be ok, I closed the door... leaving her PISSED and SCREAMING like someone was stabbing a knife into her repeatedly or something. I mean s-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g.

Now for the bad mom part. I did the first thing that came to mind. Stormed into her room and yelled at her to stop yelling! Nice, Alison. Way to keep it together. Grabbed her from her crib, tried to calm her down, put her book where she wanted it, put her back in bed and left the room again. She was fine. I; however, was not.

If you've ever experienced Mommy Guilt, you know what I am talking about. That feeling that what you've just done has officially scarred your child for the rest of their lives. Now, looking at it written down, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as I made it out to be. But between hormones and exhaustion, I spent the next 10 minutes crying uncontrollably about what a terrible mommy I am for reacting so angrily. Matt is at a meeting and wasn't here to talk down my crazies, so I did the only thing I could think of- called Mom. After patiently listening to my ranting about "how could I get angry at a 2-year-old for being a 2-year-old?" and "what if all she remembers tomorrow is me yelling at her?", my mom calmly asked me, "Do you remember every time I yelled at you?" Hmm... no. Guess not. "And of all the memories you have from being little, do the times I yelled at you haunt you?" No, not so much. And not 5 minutes into the conversation, I am calm, sniffling and feeling much better.

Man, I love my mom.

20 minutes later, I hear Kate crying in her room and decide I just have to go in, shush her, tell her I love her so much, and get her calm. All it took was pulling her blankie back over her, rubbing her back and "Goodnight, mommy loves you..." and she was happy again and we both felt better.